2024 Resolution Above All Else. Set Your Mind That You Will Not Let Anyone Or Any Situation Steal Your JOY! 💖 Also, Set Your Boundaries And Keep Them. Refuse To Be Anyone's Doormat.

Remember that no one can steal your joy without your permission!

When I mentioned doormat in the title, I immediately thought of this scene in the video below from my #1 favorite movie, Somewhere in Time. Now I'm in the mood to watch this movie tonight for the gazillionth time. 🥰 (emphasis mine)

Antonhy Cézar Curtis published September 30, 2014: Somewhere in Time - The Kiss. Richard and Elise's first kiss. It is one of the most romantic kisses in film history! Cast: Cristopher Reeve (Richard Collier), Jane Seymour (Elise Mackenna) and Christopher Plummer (W.F Robinson).

And since I mentioned boundaries, I know there are people out there who don't know what this means. So let's start this New Year 2024 with a template for you to get started with moving forward.

I forgive people early on in a friendship or relationship when didn't know how I felt about something or they've ignored a request I made because we're getting to know each other. I give them the benefit of the doubt. I note the yellow flag however. But when the person keeps intentionally disrespecting my requests, disrupting me, or disrespecting me, then I cut the cord and move on removing myself from any further unnecessary drama.

There are 8 billion people on this planet. I choose who I want to include in my inner circle and so should you. Friendships are a precious gift you choose to spend your time and energy with and personal private thoughts with. Friendships are not a guarantee. This may sound cold to some of you. But the bottom line is, if you don't love and respect yourself, then how can you expect others to love and respect you too? Are you advocating people be emotionally or psychologically abused by others so as not to offend the abuser? This is about your well being, your peace of mind, your joy that you need to protect above all else. (emphasis mine)

There are many different diagrams.

You create your own circle of friends diagram.

This is just an example for you to get the idea.

LyraHealth.com

A Guide for Setting Boundaries in Relationships

written by Ainhoa Indurain, LPCC, LCPC Therapist, Lyra Clinical Associates

March 7, 2023

We often think of boundaries in relationships as rules that create distance between people, but actually, the opposite is true. Relationship boundaries keep people in, not out. They create safe spaces where we feel seen and heard.

Healthy boundaries strengthen relationships because they’re grounded in assertiveness and respect for one another—characteristics that make relationships more meaningful and enjoyable. Let’s explore examples of boundaries in relationships, how to set boundaries in relationships, and why relationship boundaries are so important for your well-being.

What are boundaries in a relationship?

As author and researcher Brené Brown, PhD, explains, healthy boundaries in relationships are “what’s okay with you, and what’s not okay with you.” They’re roadmaps for interactions and behaviors that we find acceptable or unacceptable. Boundaries help us live our values and priorities by setting physical or emotional limits that protect our well-being, mental health, and comfort. They’re a type of self-care and a life skill we can keep learning, practicing, and improving. Boundaries are important in any type of relationship—children, partners, co-workers, parents, siblings, or friends.

Examples of boundaries in relationships:

• Requesting that your mother give you one day’s notice if she’d like to stop by your home.
• Saying no to holiday dinner plans with family.
• Requesting your partner (friend or family member) give you space the first hour after work so you can decompress.
• Requesting a friend no longer vent to you about a certain topic.
• Not allowing your child to use inappropriate language in the house.
• Letting your supervisor know you won’t be responding to emails on weekends.
• Asking someone to stop using language you find offensive or leaving the conversation.
• Not participating in activities that go against your beliefs or religion.
• Turning down a dinner invitation because you’re saving money for a vacation.

Why are boundaries in relationships important?

Healthy relationship boundaries are essential because they promote balance, respect, and physical and emotional well-being. When we set and maintain boundaries in a relationship, the other person has a clear understanding of how they should interact with us. This helps us feel safe, respected, and cared for—because of this, we show up better for that relationship.

Relationship boundaries can help:

• Build respectful, trusting, and safe interactions where you feel comfortable sharing openly and saying no
• Prevent yourself from being taken advantage of by others because you’re clear about what you will and won’t do
• Encourage productive, two-sided conversations instead of arguments because there is mutual respect and understanding around communication
• Avoid resentment, burnout, and anxiety that can result from taking on more than you can handle
• Foster feelings of appreciation and validation, which strengthens positive feelings toward the other person

7 types of boundaries in relationships There are several types of boundaries in relationships, and they often overlap. Here are some key examples of boundaries in relationships.

Please CLICK HERE to read details about the 7 types of boundaries.

#1 Physical relationship boundaries

#2 Emotional relationship boundaries

#3 Sexual relationship boundaries

#4 Time relationship boundaries

#5 Spiritual relationship boundaries

#6 Financial relationship boundaries

#7 Cultural relationship boundaries

Examples of boundaries in a relationship

• “Don’t comment on my parenting style.”
• “Don’t comment on what I eat or how much I eat during meals.”
• “Don’t bring up politics with me.”
• “If you continue to do that when you’re with my children, you’ll no longer be able to see them.”
• “Don’t vent to me about this issue anymore. This isn’t about me. It’s for you and your therapist.”
• “I won’t come to family gatherings until you begin treating my partner with acceptance and respect.”

What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries?

In general, if a boundary preserves your well-being and keeps you safe physically and emotionally, it’s a healthy one. Boundaries that impose on your well-being and safety may be unhealthy ones. On paper, some boundaries in relationships can seem healthy, but if you dig into them, they aren’t. Here are some examples of healthy and unhealthy boundaries in a relationship.

Examples of healthy boundaries in relationships

• Communicating your needs and expectations in relationships with others and being open to their needs and expectations.
• Saying no without fear of rejection or worrying that others will view you negatively.
• Expressing your beliefs and views instead of downplaying or changing them based on others.
• Taking time for self-care, even if it means turning down invitations or asking others to take on tasks.
• Leaving a situation or conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
• Deriving your sense of self from within and having a vibrant life based on your personal beliefs and preferences. Not relying on others to fill you up, dictate your interests, or validate you.
• Prohibiting others to disrespect you in speech or touch.

Examples of unhealthy boundaries in relationships Unhealthy boundaries in relationships are those that are too rigid, too loose, or harm your or another’s emotional or physical well-being. For example, say you’re in a new relationship. You may tell the other person that you want to be exclusive. That makes you feel safe and is a healthy boundary for you. Another person could take this to the extreme though. Perhaps “exclusive” to them means they can demand access to your phone and passwords or forbid you from talking to others. In this case, exclusivity sounds like a healthy boundary, but really, it undermines someone else’s freedom and well-being.

Other examples of unhealthy boundaries in relationships:

• A friend tells you that if you were a good friend you would always say yes to meeting with them.
• A romantic partner asks you to change your beliefs and interests to be like theirs.
• An abusive partner (or friend) tells you to be available at all times just in case they want to spend time with you. They ask you to forgo activities you once enjoyed, turn down invitations from friends, or cancel plans to spend time with them.
• A romantic partner coerces you to do something sexual even if you feel uncomfortable. They may frame this within their sexual boundaries but it is abusive.

Signs you need to set boundaries in a relationship

In my work, I often meet with people who struggle with setting boundaries or have set boundaries that were crossed. This is particularly painful because it’s difficult to set boundaries at all and people may lose the confidence needed to set them again once they’re crossed. People with a strong desire to please others tend to think they’ll be more successful or get more validation if they continue to say yes, but this can result in burnout, anxiety, or resentment.

Here are a few signs you may need to start setting boundaries in a relationship:

Burnout

In both personal and work relationships, burnout can be a sign that there are boundaries to set in a relationship. Maybe you feel obligated to say “yes” even when doing so doesn’t align with your values or needs. Perhaps your friend vents excessively or you feel pressured to take on a co-worker’s responsibilities. Ask yourself, “What do I need that I haven’t asked for yet?”

Resentment

Resentment may stem from burnout. Maybe you’re taking on more than your share of work, home, or financial responsibilities in a relationship. You blame the other person for crossing a boundary you haven’t set with them. You hope they’ll finally “just get it” or that you’ll do enough that the situation will fix itself. This approach may feel safer than speaking up and stating your needs and expectations. The trade-off is you’ll continue to feel overwhelmed and resentful, and your well-being and the health of the relationship may suffer.

Anxiety

If someone crosses a boundary you haven’t enforced, you may start to feel anxious. For instance, if a co-worker repeatedly asks you to take on their work, you may begin to feel nervous every time you get an email from them or run into them at work. You may feel on high alert, anticipating another ask from the person you feel is taking advantage of you.

Irritability

Putting others’ needs above yours can prevent you from taking the time and space to care for yourself. You don’t have a chance to recharge. Irritability can be an offshoot of the resentment, anxiety, and burnout you feel if you’re not setting boundaries in a relationship.

Please CLICK HERE to read this entire detailed article...