September 10, 2011

The Philosophy of Words (So to Speak)

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The Philosophy of Words (So to Speak)
Authors: Some are from George Carlin and Stephen Wright; others are unknown
Contributors: Wanda Wilson & John Masher

◦Why isn't phonetics spelled phonetically?
◦Why are there Braille signs at the drive-through windows at the bank?
◦If a deaf kid swears, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
◦What's another word for synonym?
◦Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?
◦Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
◦Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
◦Is it possible to be "totally partial?"
◦Would a fly that loses its wings be called a "walk?"
◦If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?
◦If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
◦If people can have triplets and quadruplets why not singlets and doublets?
◦Is Atheism a non-prophet organization.
◦I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where is the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
◦Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
◦Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
◦Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
◦Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
◦Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
◦Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
◦Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
◦If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
◦If flying is so safe, why is the airport called 'terminal'?

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