- Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
- It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
- The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Bonus
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
Bonus Bonus
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect
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