January 28, 2017

More Zen Humor To Help Lighten The Mood Around Here! πŸ˜‰πŸ€“πŸ˜„

Laughing Monkey Pictures, Images and Photos
God's Favorite Sound Is LAUGHTER!

Q: What do you call a schizophrenic Buddhist?
A: Someone who is at two with the universe.

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A Buddhist nun, an atheist and a Catholic Priest are on the Titanic when the ship hits an iceberg. So they all run out on deck to get into a lifeboat.

"Women and children first!" yells the Buddhist.
"Screw the women and children!" yells the atheist.
The Catholic Priest yells,"Do you think we really have that much time?".

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So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.

The hot dog vendor responds: "Change must come from within."

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Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness

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Disciple: Oh wise and all knowing one, show me the place of perfect peace.
Master: If I show it to you it will no longer be peaceful.

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Q. Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation?
A. It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !

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A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books and crying. He asks what's wrong. "The word is 'celebrate'," says the old monk.

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Q. What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A. He enters Nerdvana.

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Three monks decided to practise meditation together. they sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.

When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.

Undeterred, the wet monk climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"

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Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"
A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk who was the eldest said: "Mouths are flapping!"

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