November 1, 2015

Everything Happens For A Reason Part 2. A Follow-Up From Oct 18th About My Situation With My Mom. ❤ Know That God Will Never Leave You, Nor Forsake You!

I started out last week knowing the full moon was upon us. My spiritual sources all advised to avoid conflict, and pick our battles wisely. Well, a whirlwind of negative energy came down hard on my household and I allowed myself to get pulled into it. I found myself reacting in self defense spiritually and emotionally. :( We also actually had strong winds this past week. I've lived in my home for 16 years, and have had a large beautiful porcelain angel figurine on a table in my front porch for about 10 years untouched until a gust of wind swept it up, and threw it on the ground breaking it in pieces. The large crystal vase same height beside it was untouched. That should give you an idea of the kind of negative energy that blew through here. Very oppressive, ugly, demonic. You would think that I would be perceptive, right? I was tired, and vulnerable. Dark forces thought they had checkmated me. But I thank God in my moment of weakness, God and all of Heaven came through, stood before me and told the forces of darkness, "I don't think so." ❤ What the devil meant for evil, God turned it around and used it for our good.

*********

I shared the following with my facebook friends on Wednesday October 28th at 7:30pm. Many of my friends responded by showing their love and support. I was glad I found the courage to reach out to them. Now, please understand, looking back you'll be able to read that I was responding in the flesh, not in the spirit. I was conveying exactly how I felt at that moment. I needed an emotional outlet, and since I didn't know who I could contact, I decided to use facebook whether my friends responded or not. So here is what I wrote unedited:

I am so done with my mom's emotional, psychological abuse. I love her but not to my detriment.

My ahole queer neighbor, and his leftist queer friends, atheist marxist friends, and muslim friends want me to stop blogging. They leave me alone when I don't blog. So when I blog, they set off my car alarm every early morning to disturb my sleep. Once they've broken my sleep, they set off alarm every 20 minutes so I can't fall back asleep. These aholes have been setting off my car alarm intermittently this afternoon. My car alarm has been going off with no person or car around. I know this because I replay the video. So they set it off from inside their home or parked nearby.

I woke at 6:30am yesterday and didn't get home from work until before midnight. I had today off and planned to just relax, lounge and do nothing. Plus, it's that time of the month in a long while. I owed myself a much needed break.

Well, my mom knows this. She's here. She see's what I'm going through with the stalkers, and instead of being loving, understanding, and supportive, she puts me down. She says I'm the psycho. I'm the one with an attitude. WTH? She wouldn't last a month with a stalker, let alone a small army of them for 3 f-g years. They're trying to torment me from outside my home, and my mom helps them by tormenting me inside my home/sanctuary.

I provide her with a comfy home and bed, food, cigs and wine taking care of everything she needs plus legal affairs she put off. She wears ripped clothing, that she ripped, and I pull out good clothes from her drawer ask her to please change, you look homeless. She yells back, well I am homeless. Huh? I say mom, why can't you be grateful you have a daughter who loves you and is helping to take care of you in your time of need? Grateful you have a roof over your head? Food to eat?

Then I tell her I can't take it anymore. I tell her she needs to call my aunt to move in with her, I'm done. I'll continue to handle your affairs. I just can't live in a very toxic environment. She says, "you need me." "you are nothing without me." "you are nothing without me." "I made you, I can break you."

To which I replied, "I don't need you. You're the one who's fully dependent on me, did you forget? God is my provider, not you. And God made me, not you. I'm done. I want you out."

She laughs and says, "we'll see if God provides for you. You won't last without me."

I'M DONE. 3 years is a long time to go out of my way to help someone who makes you feel like a piece of shit the whole time. Yeah, sure there have been glimpses of gratitude sprinkled in her meaness which gave me hope.

I love God, and yes I love my mom. I am a strong person because God lends me His strength, but I never said I was a saint. I've done what I could with God's help. I know God wouldn't want me to die a martyr. How can I help her if she drowns me in her misery. God is life, not misery and death.

*Thanks for reading. Really needed to vent. I don't care who judges me at this point. You are not walking in my shoes. My decision is between me and God. I have to answer to God, no one else. All my achievements throughout my adult life occurred when I cut my mom and family out of my life. I had to cut the grief out of my life to finish my goals that they never understood, or never could relate to, so they would put me down to feel better about themselves.

END OF RANT*

Thursday and Friday I'm feeling conflicted and I see this on my facebook feed.
Show the same #grace you will need
Posted by Paula White on Friday, October 30, 2015
Then shortly afterward, I see this on my facebook feed. Not a coincidence.
Don't forget to remember:Obedience is less painful than regret.
Posted by Christine Caine on Friday, October 30, 2015
I shared the following with my facebook friends today, Sunday at 3:46pm:

UPDATE on my situation with my mom for those of you following:

Well... this sure has been a spiritually tumultuous week to say the least. But God came through and delivered us from evil. The last time I reached out to you on Wednesday, I was being tormented by my stalker neighbor outside and by my mom inside. I snapped and told my mom she had to move. I was done.

Me telling my mom she had to move, snapped her out of her depression, The next morning when she woke up, she was acting like a saint as if nothing had happened the night before. But she obviously knew I was serious. So she showered, got dressed, and left the house for the first time in a long while. She did the same the next morning, and was gone all day.

I prayed. But I was still feeling conflicted, distraught, and dismayed. I could feel an oppressive force trying to penetrate my home environment. Come Friday night I was home replaying memories in my head, drinking wine and wanting to get drunk to numb the pain. At around 2:30 am, my stereo turned itself on, as if an angel pushed the on button, and the song that was playing on 94.7 The Wave was, Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars. In my drunken emotional state, I broke down crying. I knew this was heaven. Especially when the following song was, Talk to Me by Anita Baker. God was reaching out to me telling me to surrender my pain, worries, everything to Him. God was telling me, don't hold it in, don't keep it to yourself, release it, talk to me. So I did.

The following day my mom moving out was still on the table. There was still tension between us. I left the house around 4:00 pm to run errands, plus I just needed to get out. While I'm driving around, God is tugging on my spirit. I say to God, I didn't ask to take up this mantle. And God gently replies, oh yes you did. Remember when you told me, God use me for your greater good. I am using your mom to teach you how to love the unlovable unconditionally, and how to be charitable to an ungrateful person without wanting anything in return. I cried.

So when I returned home, I'm sitting on the couch and God is telling me to go to my mom to tell her that God wants her to know that He loves her so very much and is watching over us both. I was to also tell her I don't want her to move, and that I will not abandon her in her time of need. We will get through this together.

This morning I cooked us breakfast, chorizo and egg with hash browns and sliced tomato. I went to tell my mom I made breakfast, it was already served, and she only needed to heat up the tortillas. I was washing the cookware and utensils. She only heated up two tortillas, walk by and said thank you, grabbed her plate and went to her room. I'm not going to lie, I would have wanted to receive a warm hug, and a compliment. As I'm heating up my tortillas, I hear in the spirit, this is not about you and her, this is between you and God. God is smiling down on you. Happy tears rolled down my face. ❤

Posted by Princess Mononoke at 5:01 PM

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